Journey of Transformation: Construction & Meditation

Want to hear my open and raw conversation with Matt Oley, discussing our paths in the construction industry, navigating mental wellness, and the importance of mindfulness and meditation. We share our experiences and struggles with addiction, and how our paths have led them to a life of fulfillment. The conversation turns practical as we provide insights about how to embark on meditation for the first time, focusing on breath control. We also look into the impact of these changes on personal and social life. Matt highlights the importance of self-discovery in solitude, leading to transformative insights about oneself. This dialogue seeks to foster deeper understanding around mental wellness, mindfulness, and personal transformation within the construction industry and beyond.

Connect with Matt Ohley at:
https://www.linkedin.com/in/matt-ohley-a89769107/
Support Matt in his efforts to bring Mental Wellness to Construction:
https://supporting.afsp.org/index.cfm?fuseaction=donorDrive.participant&participantID=3008122

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https://www.depthbuilder.com/sweat-equity-improvement

Connect on all the other socials at:
http://depthbuilder.bio.link 

00:00 Introduction and Personal Stories
00:30 The Importance of Mental Wellness in the Construction Industry
01:19 The Power of Meditation
02:14 Shoutout to LnM Family Member, Brian Buckingham
03:20 Interview with Matt Oley
05:04 Matt's Journey and Struggles
06:29 Overcoming Personal Challenges
07:45 The Persona and the Reality
09:39 The Power of Vulnerability
12:42 The Impact of Relationship Issues
14:21 The Power of Now: A Life-Changing Book
14:34 Discovering the Power of Mindfulness
15:44 The Journey to Sobriety
16:15 The Power of Books and Rehab
18:14 The Art of Meditation
18:47 Practical Steps to Start Meditating
20:25 The Impact of Meditation on Personal Transformation
21:47 The Challenges of Transformation
22:16 The Power of Solitude and Self-Discovery
25:08 The Journey Continues
25:40 Reflections and Conclusions

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

I don't feel like our stories are very uncommon in the construction industry, but I would agree with you that most people who have our stories aren't on social media talking about it. But there are some tools that I now have at my disposal.

Speaker 2: 0:17

Where did it come from, though, like why were you compelled to put up this armor? I'm a badass, don't mess with me because I'm gonna take you down. Oh man, I got a good one for you, and if you wanna hear the answer to that question, just stick around and listen to the rest of my conversation with my buddy, mr Matt Oli, who I met through the LinkedIn, and he's proven to be a very influential man, really dedicated or committed to spreading the word about mental wellness, mindfulness and this sort of thing that is desperately needed in our industry not just in the construction industry, like in all industries. Through the conversation he shares about the tools for dealing with the struggles of life, the tools that he uses, that I happen to use a couple of them myself, and I think maybe naturally, we end up having this conversation around breaking free from addiction, because he and I are both on a different path than we used to be, and on the path that we're on now, meditation has become a part of his life and my life, and I took the opportunity to ask him a little bit more of like simple how to meditate, because you hear it a lot right Focus on your breath, just do these things. But if you've never tried it before, it's a wonky experience, like you don't know if you're doing it right or wrong, even if somebody's watching you. It's very difficult to come to terms with what meditating is, what it should feel like, what you should be thinking about and all of these other weird things. So we do give some like super practical, actionable steps that you can put into practice right away in terms of building your meditation game and I'm looking forward to the takeaways that you'll get that have contributed to Matt's path to success and living a more fulfilling life.

Speaker 2: 2:14

And before that, I wanna shout out LNM family member, mr Brian Buckingham. Brian left me this awesome review after participating in the virtual sweat equity improvement session. Brian says Jesse keeps you interested. He creates a team atmosphere with open communication, invites the team to ask questions and get multiple perspectives from the group. You can tell he knows his work and loves what he does. Everyone will grow from the SQI experience, brian.

Speaker 2: 2:50

I appreciate you deeply, man. I know you've been an advocate for me and shouting me out out there in the world. You're part of the country. For the rest of the LNM family, I would appreciate it if you took the time to go in and leave a review on the Apple or a like and a follow on the YouTube or, more importantly, share this episode with somebody that you know could benefit from the life lessons that our buddy Matt shares. And here we go. You're about to get a whole bunch of Matt Oli. What is going on? Lnm family? I am here with the what should we say? The man on a meteoric rise, mr Matt Oli. Well, I say meteoric rise, but I'm sure that you've been hard at it, making a difference in people's lives Long before you came across my LinkedIn feed. How accurate is that?

Speaker 1: 3:52

I would like to think so, not so much in the social media world, but just in personal relationships with people. Man, just being honest with them and trying to help other people not necessarily take the missteps I took right.

Speaker 2: 4:08

Yeah, a lot of the content that I've been able to see, like that you post, and then some of the interviews I've been able to hear you on, I'm like, okay, I think my buddy Matt and I got some things in common here that most people that are active on social media they don't share the same type of experiences. What do you think?

Speaker 1: 4:30

No, I would agree with that man and especially after listening to your audio book, I think I may have a chapter or two of that left. My ADD man, I'm like I'll go for one. I think I may have a chapter or two of your audio book left. But once I started listening to him, like thank bro. This guy is. I don't feel like our stories are very uncommon in the construction industry, but I would agree with you that most people who have our stories aren't on social media talking about it.

Speaker 2: 5:02

True. So, man, you mentioned you kind of roll a certain way. That I appreciate, and when I say that what I'm talking about is vulnerable, transparent, real, that's just how I think. The first time I read one of your posts, I was like this is so good, this boy can be front. This is this gotta be real. And I said let me see the next one. And I'm like, ok, yeah. And then we started coming out more and more. I'm like, oh yeah, this dude's like down, down, and I don't know that a lot of people can pick up on it. We'll talk about the social media stuff, because it feels like it's this new life that just blew up on you. But I want to learn what led up to that. Where did all of that come from? And so maybe to help the LNM family out there understand what do they really need to know about you? That's difficult to capture on a LinkedIn or Instapost.

Speaker 1: 5:59

I like how you say you're like man, this guy's down down, like he's real. That's it, man, I still struggle. I still struggle emotionally, mentally, like that's the big thing I'm on, and I feel like that's the core of what I'm trying to get across as I tell stories, as I write posts, as I talk with people, or whether I'm on other podcasts or whatever else Dude I am. I do not have it figured out, but there are a few things I've picked up along the way. There are some tools that I now have at my disposal that have radically changed the way I face the struggles of life and I just want to be an evangelist for those. You know what I mean and be like hey, look like I tried a lot of the common stuff, man, like the stuff you hear all the time. You know, talk to a therapist, which I still do. I don't see anything wrong with talking to the therapist. I still do that and that's helpful.

Speaker 1: 7:00

There were some things for me that really just shifted everything and that was getting into a mindfulness and meditation and stuff really just radically transformed. It was paradigm shifting for me, man. I think that's to answer your question of what do people really need to know maybe about me that doesn't come through is I'm just a real dude man. I'm a real ass dude that's got real ass struggles, just like everybody else. I like like I don't have time to I shouldn't say I don't have time Like I don't want to just put on this persona. I don't want to put on this mask and like be somebody that I'm not, because I did that for a long time and I got tired of it.

Speaker 2: 7:44

Yeah. And so you say you did that for a long time. What did that look like when you were doing that back in the day? What were the surroundings, what were the experiences, what were your contributions like back then?

Speaker 1: 8:00

So I just had a conversation with somebody the other day and I can't remember I'm talking to so many people anymore, which is super cool. I don't even know how this is happening, but like I carried myself around I'm not a big dude, I'm five, six, say. You know I'm not a big guy, but I carried myself Like people. People would come up to me like when I was still going to bars and stuff, you'd meet somebody, and many times it's happened to me that somebody would come up and after the conversation for a little bit, they'd be like you're not who I thought you were, because I carried myself like I was a badass, like I was some. I was a concrete man by trade.

Speaker 1: 8:42

So one of my favorite lines and I got this from an old mixer truck driver years ago was man, I poured more concrete than you walked on. You know what I mean Like this tough construction guy who was ready to throw hands if I needed to, and like that was this persona that I felt like I had to keep up. And it's and it's so many guys in the trades right Now don't get me wrong. Maybe most of them will throw hands with you and don't get me wrong Like they were those days where they get a little wild myself but I had to like feel like I was this big guy, not because I wasn't physically big, so I had to exude this energy that like I was not a big guy, like don't mess with me, you know what I mean. I'm that guy and any more man that's. That's long gone.

Speaker 2: 9:38

Yeah, so why? Where did it come from, though? Like, why were you compelled to put up this armor? I'm a badass. Don't mess with me, because I'm gonna take you down.

Speaker 1: 9:49

Excuse me, I think, um, no, because I did probably catch some bullying. Like as a kid I was always the smallest guy in class. I was always the smallest guy in my neighborhood. Like I still remember I was like four foot eight, my freshman year. Like I was a little dude and I don't want to get all too often the weeds, necessarily. But I feel like there's a book out there, man, that some people would probably appreciate Maybe some not by Justin Baldoni, called man Enough, undefining my Masculinity, and he talks about I'll keep it PG here because I think I should but he talks about the stuff that all boys are raised with Broad brushnher.

Speaker 1: 10:35

Sure, of course, most boys. You got to be tall, you got to be strong, you got to be handsome. You've got to be with a lot of women. Certain parts of you need to be large. Yeah, sorry, but it's like this is the stuff growing up as boys that we all hear. And so I had to put on this front, I feel, because I didn't meet a lot of those standards. I wasn't tall, I wasn't muscular, I mean I started hitting, going to the gym and lifting weights so I'd be bigger and women weren't very interested with me because I was shorter than all of them.

Speaker 2: 11:12

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 11:13

You know what I mean. So, like I had to develop this persona of at least I can be tough, then, or wild, or the Matt's always going to take it to another level. Yeah, If we're out doing something a little nefarious, Matt's going to take it to the whole another level. Man, you guys only thought you were crazy until I showed up. Now it's getting real wild. Just, I felt like I was overcompensating man.

Speaker 2: 11:44

Yeah, man.

Speaker 1: 11:45

You know what I?

Speaker 2: 11:46

mean I think that's the perfect word because I've done it. You know it's still out there. We see people overcompensating, putting out all kinds of damn energy, trying to show up like something they really aren't, and for me, when I was living that way, it was all wasted energy. What do you think? You think it's like a good investment of energy, or energy that would be better spent somewhere else?

Speaker 1: 12:15

No, most definitely better spent somewhere else, man, and that's what I'm doing anymore.

Speaker 2: 12:20

And so what did you? Just go watch the matrix and decide, okay, I want to be awakened, I want to start meditating. What caused that spark for you to get down that path?

Speaker 1: 12:32

See, I knew I was going to need some scuba gear because you don't play. I knew you weren't going to let me water ski man. I've had a lot of relationship issues. I have not been, you know, that whole persona I was talking about stayed on at home too. I didn't take it off when I came home. So I've had a lot of issues along those side that I own, chiefly mine.

Speaker 1: 13:01

Truly, I have not been an easy man to live with or to have children with, to be married to, and more than once it's come crashing down on me and that doesn't mean through multiple relationships, but more than once my wife has said I'm done with you, can't do it anymore. And the last time that took place it crushed me and it always crushed me. But what I used to do was go out drinking and drugging and trying to find women and trying to fill that hole and numb that pain and not to say I didn't do a little bit of that. But I got to a point where, like I looked myself in the mirror and I'm like bro, you're 40 something years old man. You are still dealing with your pain, like you did when you were 16. Dude, what are you doing?

Speaker 1: 14:04

I've been through the 12 step programs. I've been to a couple of different rehabs. I put myself in a rehab back in 2010. No court order or nothing. I just went because I was sick of it. That still wasn't the end of it for me. And, man, I tell you, and I can't say enough about it and I've taught. We had a podcast about it. But there was a book and it may not resonate with other people, but it changed me and that's the power of now by Eckhart Tolle, and in that first chapter, when he says you are not your mind, something, that was it. Something went off in me and I went wait a minute, like I am not my mind, what is?

Speaker 2: 14:54

that.

Speaker 1: 14:55

All this stuff that's always going on here is not me. But who am I then? And what is this? And so, through just getting involved in meditation practices and becoming what he calls like the watcher of your thoughts, and this is all very I think it's really steeped in eastern spirituality or whatever Buddhism, that kind of stuff though I wouldn't consider myself a Buddhist but this idea of quieting the mind and entering into just stillness and watching your thoughts rather than being ran by your thoughts, life changing man, life changing for me, but that's what brought me up to that point.

Speaker 2: 15:46

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 15:47

Is I got sick of the drinking and the drug and everything that I had done for them there 30 years to try to numb the pain. I said I'm done, I'm done, I don't know what it takes but I'm done. And somehow I came across that book and that was one of the beginnings. Yeah, there was a couple of other things in there too, but that's the big one.

Speaker 2: 16:12

Those are the highlights. Yeah, man, now I appreciate that. I know you had a conversation with Hoots and I think also with James Gable, right, like y'all did the conversation about in the now, which I still. It's interesting because I think some people get it and a lot of people are like what did we talk? Because it could be a hard concept to grasp. I think the big takeaway for me is rather how I how I can relate to it is one of the times I was in rehab court ordered, by the way, like I wasn't being a nice guy.

Speaker 2: 16:48

I was motivated by the state of Texas and I came across the book. But I was going to outpatient rehab and a buddy of mine recommended the book by Victor Franco Man's Search for Meaning and I was reading it. It was really a powerful book, but there was one half a quote in there that totally switched my trajectory. I was one of those milestones where it was a hard left because it had to be, and the quote goes something like this there's a space between stimulus and response and within that space lies our power to choose, and the more we choose, the bigger the space becomes. Like when I read that at that point in time I was on probation because I had bad luck. I was on probation because the cops were picking on me, right Like I was going out and tearing up going out on a bender because she made me mad. Right Like it was everybody else's fault.

Speaker 2: 17:56

When I read that it's no stupid, it's all you Full same thing, like I was reacting to my thoughts, to these things that were playing in my head, and I didn't need to react to them. I could pause and watch them, like you said, the watcher of our thoughts. So I want to give the LNM family out there some practical step, because I'm a huge advocate of meditation and I also know that it's not the easiest damn thing in the world. And it ain't about lotus position and having our Namaste, it's not about that. So simple, practical. First time you try to do it, what would you suggest to people focus on if it's their first rep to start down this path?

Speaker 1: 18:48

Focus on your breath and where I started was with what they call the 478 method. So I would breathe in through. There's a great book I'm always going to drop books. Corey Mascara has got a book called Stop Missing your Life. It's all about meditation. Very practical, simple book about meditation. So the 478 method Breathe in for four seconds, hold for seven, out for eight. And how I started was simply by doing that is, I would breathe in through my nose for four seconds, hold and I would count in my head one, two, seven and then for eight seconds, breathe out my mouth, and I would just do that over and over again. Now takes a minute. If you've never done it before, you're gonna breathe out in about three seconds and then you're gonna be like dang bro, this the out breath's got to be longer than the end. Like how do?

Speaker 1: 19:49

I it's gonna mess with you but and there are great apps out there on, you know, free apps, I think even oh yeah, YouTube's got stuff out there guided meditations, Maybe a good way to start. Oh, there's a bunch of that stuff. There's probably guided meditations on Spotify and everything else. Yeah.

Speaker 2: 20:10

I'm not a fan of the guided meditation because I like man. I got enough voices in my head. I don't need another one like fair.

Speaker 1: 20:17

I can't even stop them ones that are on you there. That's what I'm trying to do. I don't need enough no breathing man. Yeah, that's it. Focus on your breath.

Speaker 2: 20:29

Yeah, yeah. For me it was when my sponsor I was at 12 step meetings. He's me you start meditating, like what? The like? I just stopped drinking. What do you mean? What are you talking about? Meditate?

Speaker 2: 20:41

What is this and, dude, like just five minutes. I'm like, oh, I could do five minutes, but, man, I tell you it felt like years because ideas, thoughts, will come in my head and I would go chasing them and the focusing on my breath. After the first time, I'm like, look, dude, this is what I did. It just don't work for me. I know he's, it's cool, it's okay.

Speaker 2: 21:05

That's why we want to focus on our breath, because it gives us a focal point to refer back to. If you're chasing your idea and not focused on your breath, just come back to your breath. That's where you build the skill to detach and observe your thoughts. Come, you're gonna chase them. Come back to your breath. I'm like, oh Damn, okay, like I can do that, and then, over time, more and more, spend more time doing it. Now have a different routine, but very similar in terms of reconciling what's running through my head and how I'm gonna respond to it, or not getting centered, like with today, right now, it's so. You're this tough ass construction worker, long sexy beard, and you meditate. So what was it like? How did the people your people at work, on the job site, at home, how did they respond to in the early days of your transformation. How did they respond? What should people expect if they're going to go down this path?

Speaker 1: 22:15

I think I just separated myself from everybody at first and I'm not suggesting this is the path for anybody else to go down, but I pretty much went into some isolation for a while and just because I had some demons, man, and once you start getting quiet and Sitting in the stillness with yourself and he ain't got no metal or no gangster rap or know anything like that, keeping your thoughts, you know what I mean. Oh yeah, I mean if because that's another thing I figured out too I think about myself is that's why I always had to have some music or distraction or TV, or I did not want to be alone with this, oh yeah. And once you start getting alone with this Look, I'm not suggesting you start meditating and just, oh man, life is peace and good and Now it's just all namaste and and love and light. Go ahead and get a little quiet with yourself and find out what else you find out about yourself.

Speaker 1: 23:24

So I think at first for me, man, I ended up isolating for a while. Man, like I had friends and stuff. Like damn bro, you don't call no more. Oh, we don't. And I'm like man, I'm on some different shit now. Man, like I got to get, I got to get myself right, and that's where I think some talk therapy helped too, because not only was I doing meditation and mindfulness practices and stuff you know, I was talking this stuff out with a therapist yeah, because as I'm getting quiet with myself, I'm finding out more about myself than is out there, than what I thought. You know what I mean. I don't know if it for me and again, I don't know if that's advice for anybody. It may not be a good thing, but that's what. That's the route I took, because I really just pulled back from the world around me and started digging deep into who I really was. Because I wore this mask for so long. That persona was me. That's who I thought I was. I thought I was that person that I portrayed to everybody else.

Speaker 2: 24:27

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 24:28

Come to find out. I'm not that dude, yeah, yeah. And then when you start being not that dude and you start talking with people, bro, what do you want? And it's that you were clean what you been smoking, bro, and it's like I don't know what to tell you. Man, I'm on another level now and not in a judgment way Like I'm on any kind of, but life is different. My perception of life is different.

Speaker 2: 24:58

So what were some of the things that you learned when you were in that period of solitude? What were some of the big takeaways you discovered about yourself? And you don't play. You already know I got to do the cliffhanger thing. I've gotten a couple of folks that maybe aren't as excited about me cutting it off midway and I'd really like to know like is that irritating to you or does that keep you engaged? What do you got? Does that make you feel? Let me know, because I'm flexible and I can certainly go back to having the full length episodes, but I'm looking for some indicators, some signals that you would appreciate that, and you know the conversation that Matt and I had.

Speaker 2: 25:42

It kind of took me back to not only back in the day on how I live the very selfish life in terms of consumption and self-destructive behaviors, but also the way I used to lead groups and the way I used to practice continuous improvement, which was also very selfish.

Speaker 2: 26:01

It was really just focused on producing better outcomes, better financial results, with no regard for the men and women that were doing the work.

Speaker 2: 26:09

I was just trying to make them go faster and luckily I was taken by the ear and had my head shook around by a few coaches Bryant Sanders, david Verbal and several others out there that contributed to a shift in my thinking around continuous improvement, and that shift is totally baked into the virtual SQI experience. And so if you've been out there playing around in continuous improvement or practicing lean on your construction sites, or if you've got like some talented field leadership that needs some tools or a framework to make things better for their people and get better connected with their people and also produce production that affect our bottom lines and our schedules consider virtual SQI. There's going to be a link down there in the thing you can sign up for the webinar to learn a little bit more about this wacky thing that I'm bringing up, or you can just sign up for the next session that's coming up. Either case, be kind to yourself, be cool and we'll talk at you next time. Peace.